Mindful Holiday Shopping

The world is on fast forward and I figured I should write about the Holidays. I mean to include holidays where there is shopping for others. I personally only am aware of Hanukkah and Christmas, that is my knowledge base.

The season of giving where most people great debt for themselves. So what do I say?  "stop!"

Those of us raised in the United States,  are raised to believe that we must GIVE during this season.
 " It is better to give than to receive." That is all good and that goes for charity organizations. The end of year is when folks look for a tax deduction and look for charities that they want to help. Does that sound cold? That folks look for tax deductions, well it's a reality.

My focus today is really on the consumer, the average person and their outlook on the holiday.
Global warming and the environment are a controversial issue but the reality is there is a lot of plastic and a lot of waste and it gets to be too much. Again, it's controversial but let's look at storage units and how many people have things in storage, paying several thousands of dollars a year directly being deducted from an account or credit card, because we pay but we don't want to know how much. Too painful!

Every event , from kids birthday parties on up has bags of "goodies" most not that good and we take stuff out of the bag and say " what do I do with this?!" " Ugh, more crap"

We have several different type of "dollar stores " that sell things we truly don't need. Let's think of the square footage that is taking up. We don't need more stuff!

So then comes Christmas and Hanukkah. Many are socialized to believe that they have to give a gift that " says something" - meaning, the person getting it will " know they are respected, loved," fill in the blank.

So we stress ourselves, fight each other at the mall parking lot, and create general unhappiness in order to celebrate a holiday that we end up forgetting what we are celebrating.

Hint, hint:  you don't have to go broke, you can give a cute gift. You don't have to buy the car like the commercial tells you to. No need for the expensive jewelry. Instead, spend time with people. Remember these people during the year not just in December. Best advice, enjoy the season with people who's company you enjoy. You don't have to buy a bunch of " stocking stuffers" that will eventually stuff an old drawer at some one's house.

Relax, enjoy, take time off and relax as you enter 2020.

Thanks for reading. You can also find me on Facebook: Libia Casas, LCSW
and Instagram PsychLibiaLCSW.

Hello!

Hello everyone!

It's nice to be here to write. I have had this blog since 2009 and it has gone through peaks and valleys.  Paying Google to have the name and then having issues with payment and Google is not easy to assess. Sometimes we want to talk to a person! Not just emails - one time having been speaking to people that wanted payment in "gift cards" - Like No!

So here I am for now. But I digress

It's the end of the year. Sure it's only November 18th but people are decorating for Christmas- someone made a left turn in front of me and they were carrying a Christmas tree on top of their car two days ago!

Yes, we have Thanksgiving to celebrate. This holiday is becoming as divided as this country! The connection between the holiday, colonialism , birthrights and citizenship. Religious people discuss the "thanksgiving " part of it. Members of "interesting families" cope with the fact they will have to see Aunt/Uncle XXX, Tio/TiaXXXX and possibly defend anything from their right to be single, gay, childless, Democrat or Republican.

Let's set boundaries for the holiday. Rules!
Yes, sounds dry and not very lovely with  music in the background but if any of the above affects you, I say you discuss rules and boundaries prior to meeting up with the family.
What is it? "An ounce of prevention...….."
Whatever it is , you may want to plan accordingly for the holiday. Not just what you are eating but what topics are permissible and which are not.

For those with major changes, try to inject a new tradition in the holiday. Focus on enjoying the moment. Those toxic relatives, you are not going to change them, try "ignoring" for one day. Not advocating here for "codependency" but all battles are not worth fighting. Do it for yourself.
Have a great Thanksgiving and thank you for reading.
You can also follow me on Facebook at Libia Casas, LCSW and on Instagram at Psychlibialcsw.

Toxicity in Positiveness

Have you ever heard someone say, " she's  nice and all but she has so much drama"  " oh, she's got so much drama"  " I am staying away, she's got too much going on" " oh, I can only be around happy people, not people with drama"

Have we possibly abandoned our friends and family when they most need it? In times of drama and stress.

Listen when you are out and people are talking. No one wants to deal with the ugly in life but the  ugly in life is going to happen, we can't stop it.
In  the age of YOLO ( you only live once)  FOMO ( fear of missing out) and a quest for beauty and permanent youth, we may have never grown out of adolescence. We don't want to be old, we don't want to be near the old ( be it people , cars or homes) and we discard the old to bring in the new.

We seem to be blindly running away from what we think is sad and just doesn't suite us. People leave their long term marriages , men usually want to trade their partners for a younger model and " do over".  In  their 50s men feel they can start over as if they were 30. This is slightly different for women since there is an end to childbearing, however, there is the knife and surgery can help them make changes.

So every action has a consequence. We have and continue to create a world where we are not just hurting the environment with the garbage we produce but we are creating societal garbage. We have taken our souls and just threw them out. We don't empathize or even sympathize. We say " oooh, that is too sad, best not get involved"

We need to get out the mindset that we "must remain positive" "we must avoid drama". While I don't recommend we go find toxic people for hang outs, I do think we need to get out of ourselves and reach out to help others. In the circle of life, I help you, you help him, he helps another and we all play a role in making this life a more meaning healthy place to be.
Peace.

A lesson from the Cohen , Trump situation.

This is not political. That being said let's explore what can be learned from this situation that our children are exposed to on a regular basis. By the way, don't think they don't know. I have had children tell me their thoughts about what they have some how become aware of with out any prompting.

So as I write this, the question plastered in the media today is, " who do you believe?"
That reminds me of the story of the boy that cried wolf. He lied and lied and one day he told the truth and no one believed him. This situation is a teachable moment for parents to work with their kids on the consequences of lying.

You don't have to get political. You can discuss how here is someone speaking and because he has lied in the past, others are having a very difficult time believing him and he may just be telling the truth but no one is comfortable believing him.

Children learn from example, and that example is, parents, teachers and all adults they are exposed to. Obviously parents need to work on being truthful but also talk through experiences where others, especially other adults, are not being honest. Children are like sponges and yes, the community including extended family and media play a role. Plan on talking to your kids this weekend.

So I think I am back.

Technology is not my friend! I keep saying that. I think I am back up. Ugh.
Hoping this works. It's a change from the last name- long story with Google and the " gift card" for payment. Like no, that sounds like a scam. So in the process I was lost for over a year! I was not paying Google with a gift card.
Will be back soon!

UGH!

So I noticed yesterday that I have not blogged since February.  I am also having problems with my domain since I want to pay for it but it's impossible. Yes, impossible because there is no human you can contact at Google and while I spoke to some humans claiming to be from Google, I still am not sure. I am told that I can not pay with a credit card over the phone.  It's time to renew payment but it's gotten rather complicated. So, I am blogging today hoping for the best here. I hope you all can still follow me at blogspot.com.

SO much has happened in the last few months. We have had hurricanes, fires, earthquakes, floods. We have world leaders calling each other names and talking about bombing each other. Seems like everywhere you turn you hear ugly news.

No, it's not the end of times but I am sure that these times will be spoken about in the future. The era of natural disasters and ugly times where people are just rude to each other. No, not everyone but it's the bad potatoes that get the attention.

I think we need to focus on kindness. What happened to " treat people like you want them to treat you?" Just look at the healthcare debate and all that has happened up to this day on this. Health care should not be political, and why can't everyone be taken care of when sick or have preventive care so they don't get sick.

We need to be cautious to not idolize money. Hoarding riches and money does not bring happiness. To deny people something as essential as health because they don't have money or because they may have had another illness prior is just plain wrong.  I see it very simple, the richest person on the planet can be affected by the unhealthy uninsured person, who may be ill and unable to get healthcare. How, you ask? Let's say that the richest person on the planet dines at an exquisite place. Let's say that the assistants at the restaurant do not have health care and have ( name a communicable disease) . This person in the kitchen can not afford to take time off work, comes to work sick  because they are unable to get care. Well, it is very possible that richest person may acquire an illness because of the situation I just mentioned.

Can we start caring for ourselves and for others? Remember the concept of love? Love thy neighbor as yourself? Of course , you have to like yourself to do that. Let's try and jump off the rat race a bit and enjoy life. Enjoy experiences and relationships. Hoarding money and material things , as we have seen recently, very quickly can be gone. Living in joy and community fills you up more. Think of it as protein to your carbs!

Be well peeps.

Parenting in the era of smart phones.....

I guess I am a curious person. I observe behaviors and reactions in the general public.

I walked in to my local grocery store the other morning and there was an elderly lady sitting at the entrance. It was early in the morning and felt I should say, "good morning" I did.

Growing up,  my parents and my parents' peers seemed to always be asking us, " Did you greet so and so?" Yes, totally embarrassing us and forcing us to greet friends and strangers alike. We needed to be polite.

Fast forward to the era of smart phones. What do I see? Parents on their phones either talking or texting and their kids just walking behind them not able to speak because parents are otherwise distracted. Oh, and I have had children in my practice upset that mom or dad is " always on the phone"

But, in this new era. The era where we are apparently being trained to be none feeling, robots , unable to engage socially with others in real time. What happens?
There is no, " honey , did you say good morning to....?" While kids are off the hook, we are not properly socializing our kids, are we? 

I think something is lost. I feel that kids no longer know what to do socially in real-time. I hope we don't end up unable to speak and that we eventually will sit with others texting each other because we have lost our social/ verbal  skills.

We seriously need to budget our smart phone time. People have fallen and I imagine we are prey to thieves if we walk around staring at our phones. Parenting is a 24 hour, 7 day a week job. It's in the little things. It's talking to our kids as we see things, share about our lives at that age.
We need social relationships, we need for them to be in real-time.

Let's become more mindful of our online time. Kids need adults. They need relationships, and we are modeling "normal" behavior. All of us, even childless adults. Kids are watching.