What do men want? What do women want?

I have written previously about self-help books so you all know how I feel about that. I hear people ask, what do men want? What do women want? Well, people, it aint that simple, yet it's very simple indeed. It's not what "men want" it's not what "women want", it's what the person that is right for you wants and what YOU want. Every relationship is different and infact a "mystery". In a nutshell, we all seek partners that meet our needs. If we have issues, if we are accustomed to dsyfunction, we may be more comfortable with dsyfunction that we are willing to admit so we may find ourselves in dsyfunctional relationships with out really wanting to. This applies to both men and women. First thing I tell people is "get a life" Who are you? What are your interests, desires,life goals? Find out and live. Once you have established your life, your identity, have made friends, you are in a better position to blend and mesh your life with the "right" partner. No one is perfect and you are not perfect. It doesn't matter how many days you go to Church, confession, therapy, You are not perfect. If you think you are , I suggest you quickly get off that kick. The key to success is being aware that neither you or your parnter are perfect but each respects the other. I say that you should feel that person " has your back". You should feel safe, understood and that what that person knows about you is not going to be used against you. I recommend you " learn who you are" , get a life, make friends, build community; put your heart in that. Really, put your heart into it, don't just volunteer at the homeless shelter because you want to meet someone nice. Grow and develop yourself and I am sure , in the community you build you will find suitable people and hopefully a date and eventually a life partner, spouse or whatever you are truly looking for. Build a life!

Happy Thanksgiving ????

After reading and hearing about what is going to happen this year during Thanksgiving Day, I am concerned and sad. Thanksgiving is the American holiday where families and friends get together to give thanks and/or eat Turkey and fixings together, and perhaps even watch football together. What is important about Thanksgiving is that families get together. The American family has been hit hard. Divorce rates are high, families do not share meals together, everyone seems to be running in one or another direction and no one spends quality time together. If all that was bad, we are losing our day to gather together and "regroup" as families and friends. Slowly, consumerism has snuck in, stores opened for a few hours here and there on Thanksgiving but this year the message is loud. Thanksgiving is in danger of dying. If you scroll your facebook page, you find a lot of messages about grace, about gratitude, perhaps we are starving for some meaning, for spirituality, a higher power? God? Yes, dare I say, GOD! I am sad by the reality that we can lose Thanksgiving, but I also have hope left. Hope that the people of American are not seduced by the sales at Walmart, Kmart and all the other stores planning to open at 6am on Thanksgiving. Oy, the thought! I am not an economist, a politician or a "numbers" person. Just a concerned therapist. I will let others discuss the financial value of having stores open at 6am on Thanksgiving. I will focus on what I see as the dangers, the losses I see. First, there will be mothers and fathers working, probably with out a choice, and not being home with their children for the holiday. No day to give or teach grace, family values and another day for children to get with the wrong crowd because there are no parents around. Not that the parents don't want to be there, but they are told they have to fill a shift at Walmart. No, mom and dad are not doctors and nurses helping the sick, they are minimum wage employees who have to lose a holiday with their child and their child be just like orphans. Sad. One of our political parties used to yell out and say there were "big" on family values. Really? What are they thinking now? About this, where are they? This is a major family and cultural value. If we continue to chase the almighty dollar we are doomed. This nation needs to look at what is really important. I am hopeful that the American people wake up and realize we have to take back Thanksgiving. We need our families, friends, communities; and not just the online, we need to talk and use our vocal cords, look at people. Let's take back Thanksgiving. There will be plenty of time to shop. I believe this year Hanukkah is also on Thanksgiving. No shopping please!!! Wait until 12 pm.... We still have power. Let the power of the people be strong, save Thanksgiving and then go hog wild shopping if you must.