So, what do you do on the anniversary of your divorce? What is an appropriate thing to do? What is healthy? Well, there are many kind of divorces yet the core of each divorce is a marriage that ended. Endings are never pretty is what I say.
As a therapist I have been working with divorce because it is part of life. As I matured, as a clinician with an interest in learning, I found myself in a Family Mediation course , necessary for becoming a Parenting Coordinator which means I not only work with divorce, I work with high conflict divorce involving children; part of my practice is family reunification, that means rebuilding a broken relationship between parents and their children.
So, what to do on the anniversary of your divorce? It depends on who you ask. Some people throw parties and others mourn.
I feel it's important to acknowledge that day and look back, and see ,what you have accomplished or perhaps haven't. Perhaps we should not let the day go to waste. It can be an annual "evaluation" of your life just like they do in most work environments.
It's not always easy being a divorced therapist. Many times people call and ask, "are you married?" because for them, they don't want to go see a therapist who has been divorced. Yet others want someone who was divorced and survived the earthquake, as I call it. Some see a divorced therapist as anti marriage, anti family. The reality is you can't make everyone happy and you can't please everyone. Yes, today is the sixth anniversary of my divorce. In that time I have worked to unify some parent-children relationships, I have helped couples learn to communicate with each other because yes, a divorced therapist still believes in keeping families healthy.
So there is myself the person, and myself the therapist. I continue to practice family and marital therapy and just this week finished working with a couple that improved their communication and trust and left smiling on their way to dinner together.
Now, for myself, I have the benefit today of Facebook that showed me what I have posted for the past six years. In that time, I have met many new people, have started participating in duathlons, have placed and have even mentored others. I have focused on intellectual pursuits and have had the time to focus on myself and refocus. As the GPS says , " recalculating". Yes, recalculating my life journey.
So if you or anyone you know is facing divorce, just remember, when there is a hurricane or an earthquake, there will be rebuilding. Use the time you have wisely to heal. Rebounding into a new relationship is never a good idea. I know, everyone refuses to listen and the "street" recommendation is " get out there". No, not just yet. Just like when the GPS says, "recalculating", wait and refocus. Give yourself time. It does get better.
Thank you for reading!
