So we are two days post the election. This election was different from previous elections in the United States.
18 months of campaigning, in what was best described as an unusual election.
This is NOT a political post. This is a "let's talk and keep our sanity" post, primarily because at the end the day, we all have to return to work and have responsibilities.
No one knows the future, we only know the present.
In politics, as in any other aspect of life, we all have an opinion. Some people support President- elect Trump and others Secretary Rodman Clinton. Yes, she always liked to add her maiden name and it's sad she doesn't use it anymore, since I never know which Clinton they are talking about. But I digress.
People of all ages were upset yesterday. Others cheered. Because the Trump supporters are thrilled, and there is anguish with the others, I will address coping skills for those who voted, supported Rodham Clinton and feel "scared" with a Trump-Pence future.
I think we have to stop, turn off social media, TV and breathe. "ground" yourself. What "grounds" you? That is anything that helps you relax excluding food, drugs, sex or alcohol. Yep, sorry I stopped the party. Let's think hobbies, exercise and time with family/friends. Perhaps meditation or prayer. Perhaps reading.
Focus on the here and now. We can not worry about tomorrow nor can we go back to yesterday. No, not possible. Not even if you have the red cap ( sorry, I had to- humor is important)
Sit with yourself and check in to your thoughts. What are your thoughts? What worries you? What scares you?
Doing this should give you insight into what is going on with you. Your thoughts and worries are yours, and another person's is different. so focus on you.
We have witness some real ugly, none professional, sexists and racist behaviors come from this campaign. I guess we all think that we were done with that. However, as some people say. the "struggle is real". Life is a journey and life is very much like the seasons, like the ocean. There are ups and downs and there is change. Life is not static, it is dynamic. While we may sleep , we can not be asleep in life, through out life.
As I observed some unusual campaigning and behavior, I wondered how survivors of abuse, bullying, or sexual assault felt. I felt that some of Mr. Trump's behavior could potentially be triggers for people, especially women who have had experience with an abuser , especially a man. Rodham Clinton handled it remarkably well at least on camera. But domestic violence survivors and others may be affected. That behavior could trigger memories of previous abuse. I would recommend anyone experiencing this to please find a therapist to speak to. Watching that on social media or TV could trigger anxiety and it's best to seek professional help.
We can not expect our elected officials to do for us , just because. They are people, and as "people" they are flawed.
We must be involved in our world. That means being aware, being involved in our political process and being civically involved. It's our country and we must take care of it. Become an elected official, help support an elected official, become an advocate.
Michael Moore said it better than me, but he wrote about the fact that we have not lost America. In fact, Rodham Clinton won the popular vote. That means that America was with her. What happened is that our founding fathers created the electoral college so that changes things. Each state has a certain number of votes and that is what ultimately counts.
So this means we need to work with what we have now, but we need to feel empowered and keep an eye on what happens in government. If we are not happy we must speak up. Find like minded people and advocate for the change you want.
Both political parties have clubs. Find one near you and join. You will meet like minded people and you will therefore not be isolated.
Be mindful of social media, we tend to spend too much time online and too much of that just creates stress. Focus on critical thinking. Question things! Just because Joe Blow says something, do some research before you get all worked up. Be mindful of what you watch on TV and get real facts not just crazy propaganda.
Limit your time to news and political commentary. All that is always going to be there. When you get back from exercising or reading a great book, that is going to be there. No, the world is not going to end. Breathe and understand that if Rodham Clinton got the popular vote, we don't live in a racist, ugly country. WE ARE THE PEOPLE, WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES.
peace and love be with you. Together we can.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Health care, Money and Ethics.................
Ethics and Healthcare 101
Everyone wants to make a profit and that is understandable. However, is the "sky is the limit" when it comes to profiting on essentials that humans need? There are needs and there are wants. An EPI pen and any type of medication is need not a want. A want is a vacation, new clothes etc, They are not essentials to live. I need asthma medication, I want a new pair of shoes.
Actually, I need shoes but I don't need designer shoes.
To profit on "needs..." creates an ethical issue. There are some professionals that do pro bono work if the recipient is unable to afford the service and this is a "need" for that person.
Yes, there should and needs to be a charge for medical equipment and services, but the ethical issue remains at the profit level.
Unfortunately, people who have a chronic illness are many times blamed for their illness. What did they eat? What was their lifestyle? Perhaps as a way to justify a term called "price gauging". If you want to make endless amounts of money, go sell "wants" not "needs". As you count your trillions, dear CEOs of drug companies, you may want to say a prayer for those that died unable to buy the extremely expensive medications. The mothers, fathers, children, now dead because they could not afford those medications. They worked hard, they just could not afford them. Enjoy your trillions, however, happiness is not found there.
Everyone wants to make a profit and that is understandable. However, is the "sky is the limit" when it comes to profiting on essentials that humans need? There are needs and there are wants. An EPI pen and any type of medication is need not a want. A want is a vacation, new clothes etc, They are not essentials to live. I need asthma medication, I want a new pair of shoes.
Actually, I need shoes but I don't need designer shoes.
To profit on "needs..." creates an ethical issue. There are some professionals that do pro bono work if the recipient is unable to afford the service and this is a "need" for that person.
Yes, there should and needs to be a charge for medical equipment and services, but the ethical issue remains at the profit level.
Unfortunately, people who have a chronic illness are many times blamed for their illness. What did they eat? What was their lifestyle? Perhaps as a way to justify a term called "price gauging". If you want to make endless amounts of money, go sell "wants" not "needs". As you count your trillions, dear CEOs of drug companies, you may want to say a prayer for those that died unable to buy the extremely expensive medications. The mothers, fathers, children, now dead because they could not afford those medications. They worked hard, they just could not afford them. Enjoy your trillions, however, happiness is not found there.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Divorce Anniversary; A celebration, mourning or commemoration
So, what do you do on the anniversary of your divorce? What is an appropriate thing to do? What is healthy? Well, there are many kind of divorces yet the core of each divorce is a marriage that ended. Endings are never pretty is what I say.
As a therapist I have been working with divorce because it is part of life. As I matured, as a clinician with an interest in learning, I found myself in a Family Mediation course , necessary for becoming a Parenting Coordinator which means I not only work with divorce, I work with high conflict divorce involving children; part of my practice is family reunification, that means rebuilding a broken relationship between parents and their children.
So, what to do on the anniversary of your divorce? It depends on who you ask. Some people throw parties and others mourn.
I feel it's important to acknowledge that day and look back, and see ,what you have accomplished or perhaps haven't. Perhaps we should not let the day go to waste. It can be an annual "evaluation" of your life just like they do in most work environments.
It's not always easy being a divorced therapist. Many times people call and ask, "are you married?" because for them, they don't want to go see a therapist who has been divorced. Yet others want someone who was divorced and survived the earthquake, as I call it. Some see a divorced therapist as anti marriage, anti family. The reality is you can't make everyone happy and you can't please everyone. Yes, today is the sixth anniversary of my divorce. In that time I have worked to unify some parent-children relationships, I have helped couples learn to communicate with each other because yes, a divorced therapist still believes in keeping families healthy.
So there is myself the person, and myself the therapist. I continue to practice family and marital therapy and just this week finished working with a couple that improved their communication and trust and left smiling on their way to dinner together.
Now, for myself, I have the benefit today of Facebook that showed me what I have posted for the past six years. In that time, I have met many new people, have started participating in duathlons, have placed and have even mentored others. I have focused on intellectual pursuits and have had the time to focus on myself and refocus. As the GPS says , " recalculating". Yes, recalculating my life journey.
So if you or anyone you know is facing divorce, just remember, when there is a hurricane or an earthquake, there will be rebuilding. Use the time you have wisely to heal. Rebounding into a new relationship is never a good idea. I know, everyone refuses to listen and the "street" recommendation is " get out there". No, not just yet. Just like when the GPS says, "recalculating", wait and refocus. Give yourself time. It does get better.
Thank you for reading!
As a therapist I have been working with divorce because it is part of life. As I matured, as a clinician with an interest in learning, I found myself in a Family Mediation course , necessary for becoming a Parenting Coordinator which means I not only work with divorce, I work with high conflict divorce involving children; part of my practice is family reunification, that means rebuilding a broken relationship between parents and their children.
So, what to do on the anniversary of your divorce? It depends on who you ask. Some people throw parties and others mourn.
I feel it's important to acknowledge that day and look back, and see ,what you have accomplished or perhaps haven't. Perhaps we should not let the day go to waste. It can be an annual "evaluation" of your life just like they do in most work environments.
It's not always easy being a divorced therapist. Many times people call and ask, "are you married?" because for them, they don't want to go see a therapist who has been divorced. Yet others want someone who was divorced and survived the earthquake, as I call it. Some see a divorced therapist as anti marriage, anti family. The reality is you can't make everyone happy and you can't please everyone. Yes, today is the sixth anniversary of my divorce. In that time I have worked to unify some parent-children relationships, I have helped couples learn to communicate with each other because yes, a divorced therapist still believes in keeping families healthy.
So there is myself the person, and myself the therapist. I continue to practice family and marital therapy and just this week finished working with a couple that improved their communication and trust and left smiling on their way to dinner together.
Now, for myself, I have the benefit today of Facebook that showed me what I have posted for the past six years. In that time, I have met many new people, have started participating in duathlons, have placed and have even mentored others. I have focused on intellectual pursuits and have had the time to focus on myself and refocus. As the GPS says , " recalculating". Yes, recalculating my life journey.
So if you or anyone you know is facing divorce, just remember, when there is a hurricane or an earthquake, there will be rebuilding. Use the time you have wisely to heal. Rebounding into a new relationship is never a good idea. I know, everyone refuses to listen and the "street" recommendation is " get out there". No, not just yet. Just like when the GPS says, "recalculating", wait and refocus. Give yourself time. It does get better.
Thank you for reading!
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Happy Mother's Day
The word on the street, as they say, is HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY this weekend. The commercials, sales and the popular culture is all about celebrating mother.
The public perception or cultural story is that everyone had or has a great mother who sacrificed and helped them grow into who they are today. That being the story, we celebrate the memory or the presence of that person on Mother's Day.
Like most things, Mother's Day is complicated because not everyone owns that story.
But, let's not make it so.
Honor the woman or women that were there for you. A special teacher, an aunt, a neighbor, an older female sibling or just your female friend who happens to be a mother.
If you are in pain on Mother's Day, acknowledge it but do not stay there all day. There is someone around to acknowledge and celebrate with.
To those that are mothers and/or have their mothers around by all means acknowledge the day and be grateful.
To all women I say, Happy Mother's Day.
The public perception or cultural story is that everyone had or has a great mother who sacrificed and helped them grow into who they are today. That being the story, we celebrate the memory or the presence of that person on Mother's Day.
Like most things, Mother's Day is complicated because not everyone owns that story.
But, let's not make it so.
Honor the woman or women that were there for you. A special teacher, an aunt, a neighbor, an older female sibling or just your female friend who happens to be a mother.
If you are in pain on Mother's Day, acknowledge it but do not stay there all day. There is someone around to acknowledge and celebrate with.
To those that are mothers and/or have their mothers around by all means acknowledge the day and be grateful.
To all women I say, Happy Mother's Day.
Monday, February 8, 2016
work, stress, and behavior
It was hard coming up with a title for this. I just read on the news the following scenario:
female correction officer charged with rape after having sex with male inmate and allegedly providing him with drugs. She feels she was "played a fool" and because inmates in that correctional center do not have the right to consent, it is thereby rape.
Yes, under that law/rule, it is rape because there is no consent from the inmate and there is the "power" issue. The correctional officer is the person in power just like elders, teachers and employers.
What hit me first though, as I read this was not the obvious here, but I thought about how we are rehabilitating our inmates and what is happening in our prison system.
More and more, prisons are becoming "for profit" centers. I question how much "supervision" and "education" is being provided to the correction officers.
In any setting where the "staff" is supervising or tending to people without "consent" it is very easy for the boundaries to be blurred. Before we chastise the correction officer as has become common in social media , let's think about all the hours they put in to their jobs, locked in with these inmates. With familiarization and time together, life in prison becomes normal for both the inmate and the correction officer and it is the responsibility of the supervisors and managers to be on the look out for friendships and possible romantic relationships. Perhaps moving staff around so they don't spend too much time in one unit may be helpful.
Yes, this takes time, dedication and money. As in health care, this is not an industry that can be made for profit. The consequences to society as a whole are immense. No one is helped when mutually emotionally abusive relationships are occurring in prisons between the correction officers and the inmates. This is all defeating the process of "correction" and highlighting the dysfunction.
It concerns me that jails and prisons are run "for profit" because the little expenses that may lower the profit, if not made, defeat the whole correctional process.
female correction officer charged with rape after having sex with male inmate and allegedly providing him with drugs. She feels she was "played a fool" and because inmates in that correctional center do not have the right to consent, it is thereby rape.
Yes, under that law/rule, it is rape because there is no consent from the inmate and there is the "power" issue. The correctional officer is the person in power just like elders, teachers and employers.
What hit me first though, as I read this was not the obvious here, but I thought about how we are rehabilitating our inmates and what is happening in our prison system.
More and more, prisons are becoming "for profit" centers. I question how much "supervision" and "education" is being provided to the correction officers.
In any setting where the "staff" is supervising or tending to people without "consent" it is very easy for the boundaries to be blurred. Before we chastise the correction officer as has become common in social media , let's think about all the hours they put in to their jobs, locked in with these inmates. With familiarization and time together, life in prison becomes normal for both the inmate and the correction officer and it is the responsibility of the supervisors and managers to be on the look out for friendships and possible romantic relationships. Perhaps moving staff around so they don't spend too much time in one unit may be helpful.
Yes, this takes time, dedication and money. As in health care, this is not an industry that can be made for profit. The consequences to society as a whole are immense. No one is helped when mutually emotionally abusive relationships are occurring in prisons between the correction officers and the inmates. This is all defeating the process of "correction" and highlighting the dysfunction.
It concerns me that jails and prisons are run "for profit" because the little expenses that may lower the profit, if not made, defeat the whole correctional process.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Victim? Survivor? OR Just something else?
I have been recently bombarded with information about domestic abuse and violence. Sure, it's mainly because I subscribe to sites that provide me that information. So as I review all the information, and work with my clients, my brain works over time.
We all remember the childhood rhyme or expression " sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" ( I am not sure of the origin of this expression, please excuse my inability to cite it) but fast forward to adulthood and you hear many people , especially female "victims" of emotional abuse and you will hear, " I rather he took a stick and beat me up." Why, you may ask? Well, a broken bone is a real thing, it is reality, you have proof that you have been hurt, hit and "broken" otherwise you are not sure. There is a term "gas lighting" this is when one person in essence plays "mind games" and truly makes the other person feel they have lost their mind. "Crazy making" behavior we shall call it here.
Now there is chronic and acute "abuse". Chronic abuse is long-term. There is much damage done to the person living through this. Acute abuse is shorter term and many times may happen at the end of a marriage or long-term relationship and may be a tool used to cut the ties of the relationship. There are many reasons why relationships end and I could write about that at a later time. All abuse is abuse and hurtful. It not only takes some counseling but a strong desire and fortitude to get past it. And again, it's a process and the change does happen over time.
While I am writing about abuse, I only wanted to lightly touch on it because what I was really intended on writing about was what to call people who have lived through the experience.
Are they victims, survivors or something else? No, not sure what the something else would be.
There is a lot of shame for many people to admit they were abused. Abuse cuts through all socioeconomic levels and you may find that a CEO has lived through or may be living in an abusive household or relationship.
Shame and embarrassment isolate, which is also a tool used by an abuser. So the legacy of abuse continues. It does not have to continue, there is no shame and you can not control the behaviors of others, whether they are boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. The fact that another acted poorly does not reflect on you. Loving and caring are not a weakness. Sure , a culture that promotes superficial, materialistic, and "tough" behaviors seems to weaken the concept of love and caring. A misogynist society feminizes it and thereby lowers the status of love.
Having had "abuse" in your life is a bad thing that happened but it does not have to define you, stain you or weaken you. Get help. Individual counseling, support groups, books , all are good. Most people who seek one source many times discredit them because "no, not me, that wasn't abuse" thoughts enter your mind. It is hard to acknowledge that a person you cared for abused or is abusing you. The abuser also tells the person they are abusing that " it's not abuse. "
Be well and take care of yourself. Do not close yourself off to friends and family, it is OK to have friends and to spend time with them.
Peace and love! Thanks for reading.
We all remember the childhood rhyme or expression " sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" ( I am not sure of the origin of this expression, please excuse my inability to cite it) but fast forward to adulthood and you hear many people , especially female "victims" of emotional abuse and you will hear, " I rather he took a stick and beat me up." Why, you may ask? Well, a broken bone is a real thing, it is reality, you have proof that you have been hurt, hit and "broken" otherwise you are not sure. There is a term "gas lighting" this is when one person in essence plays "mind games" and truly makes the other person feel they have lost their mind. "Crazy making" behavior we shall call it here.
Now there is chronic and acute "abuse". Chronic abuse is long-term. There is much damage done to the person living through this. Acute abuse is shorter term and many times may happen at the end of a marriage or long-term relationship and may be a tool used to cut the ties of the relationship. There are many reasons why relationships end and I could write about that at a later time. All abuse is abuse and hurtful. It not only takes some counseling but a strong desire and fortitude to get past it. And again, it's a process and the change does happen over time.
While I am writing about abuse, I only wanted to lightly touch on it because what I was really intended on writing about was what to call people who have lived through the experience.
Are they victims, survivors or something else? No, not sure what the something else would be.
There is a lot of shame for many people to admit they were abused. Abuse cuts through all socioeconomic levels and you may find that a CEO has lived through or may be living in an abusive household or relationship.
Shame and embarrassment isolate, which is also a tool used by an abuser. So the legacy of abuse continues. It does not have to continue, there is no shame and you can not control the behaviors of others, whether they are boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. The fact that another acted poorly does not reflect on you. Loving and caring are not a weakness. Sure , a culture that promotes superficial, materialistic, and "tough" behaviors seems to weaken the concept of love and caring. A misogynist society feminizes it and thereby lowers the status of love.
Having had "abuse" in your life is a bad thing that happened but it does not have to define you, stain you or weaken you. Get help. Individual counseling, support groups, books , all are good. Most people who seek one source many times discredit them because "no, not me, that wasn't abuse" thoughts enter your mind. It is hard to acknowledge that a person you cared for abused or is abusing you. The abuser also tells the person they are abusing that " it's not abuse. "
Be well and take care of yourself. Do not close yourself off to friends and family, it is OK to have friends and to spend time with them.
Peace and love! Thanks for reading.
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