Christmas and the newly single.......

Well, it's Christmas. The time of the year for families and friends to gather, pictures of long tables with everyone looking nice , smiling and surrounded with family are everywhere. Children are all smiling, their clean, well dressed and well mannered. Sweet isn't it? Perhaps your picture is not that cute. Perhaps you have a Goth teen, a grouchy husband, or no family at all. Whatever you have, if you can read this, feel blessed for your eyesight and your cognitive skills. I have learned that there is a season for everything. I have a personal mantra, "when in doubt, look at nature". We can have horrible weather, be it snow or rain storms where it looks like it will never clear, but it does! After a horrible Winter there is Spring ( my favorite time of year) I want to dedicate my thoughts to the men and women coping with their first year of separation from a spouse or any long term relationship. There is a "death" or very bitter winter when you first separate or divorce and you feel that your world just had an earthquake. I am not getting into how you got there, you are there. While you should allow yourself time to mourn, also look at this as being the only Christmas you will have in 2012. Start a new tradition for yourself that will help you feel like it is Christmas. If you always have a tree and don't feel like getting one, buy a live 6 inch Christmas plant at the grocery store. Do something Christmas-like. Do something different. Live the moment. It may feel like life is over, and some part of your life is, but guess what? Spring will come and new feelings will blossom. You have a choice right now, rebuild your soul stronger, or whither away. I say you choose to rebuild. Make new friends, open your soul to the world. Find others that have lived through what you are living, both currently and/or that have rebuilt. You are not alone. Reach out and you will see that there is a whole community of separated and divorced just waiting to be your friend. Let the light of hope shine on you!

NYC officer, the boots and the world......

National news is reporting that the man given a pair of boots by a NYC officer is walking around barefoot again. I can't say that it suprises me. Homeless people are on the street for a myriad of reasons. There is a large number of them that suffer from mental illness. They do have loving families that can not help their relative because the person does not want to be helped. Not that they are ung...rateful or bad, just that they have a mental illness, usually a psychotic disorder, which does not allow them to live in "reality" or in "the conventional world" And, yes, many do have a drug and/or alchol addiction but that is usually secondary to the mental illness. In fact, many addicts in general are self medicating for a mental illness. What the NYC officer did was necessary for him as well as for society. To give to others feeds our souls. We should not be discouraged by the homeless man not wearing his new shoes, we need to feel encouraged that a young, NYC officer bought a shoeless man shoes, a woman was impressed enough to take a picture and the world chose to honor all this via a viral you tube posting, facebook postings, and all that ensued. Religous people may say that the NYC office acted as God's angel on earth.

STOP!!

I write this one week before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a day to give thanks for our blessings. However, for many who will be hosting a gathering of friends and family, it is now becoming an anxious time, since especially in South Florida, time flies, it's November, and it feels like summer. Before you allow the anxiety to win and posses you, I want you to stop wherever you are and breathe. First, perfection does not exsist so if you are aiming for a "perfect" Thanksgiving, stop now. Focus on who is attending and how you want to share this time. You are going to forget things, so you may want to plan ahead, you may make several trips to the market. You also may forget some items you cooked. Just let go of the idea that there should be perfection. Perfection does not exsist. Perfection if you notice does not exsist even in nature. Once you are free from the grips of "perfection" focus on seasonal, "yummy" food you enjoy and your guests. Once Thanksgiving Day rolls around, be in the moment. Appreciate those particular times and the people you are sharing them with. Think about your blessings. You may not have somethings you may wish you had, but I am sure there are things you do have. If after reading this you can't think of any, give your self time, breathe, and just understand that act of breathing is a blessing. Start there and be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.......

Victoria’s Secret apologizes for Native American-inspired look

Victoria’s Secret apologizes for Native American-inspired look

This is current in the media today, but what is the real message being sent by airing this show? What is the purpose if not not to provide a sexually charged show or in fact, a very long commercial for a lingerie store. What is being  communicated? What is the purpose?
These models are mere children not old enough to have a beer. Again, what is the purpose? For men to buy these items for the women in their lives and hope they look 20 years old and leggy? Is it for women to buy these items and feel they are 20 and leggy?
What is our message as a society with such a "commercial" in December?
We live in a world bombarded with ads for cosmetic surgery. They are everywhere and the surgeries keep getting cheaper.
What is up with us? Our society?
Can we not love ourselves, appreciate our morals, values, intelligence and  skills. It's time we grow up and stop focusing on the fantasies being fed by the media and our commercialized society. Please!
If we allow our brains to rot behind a TV, guess what? They will.
Grab a book, buy a bicycle, get running shoes, go hiking..... get  a life; love your body the way it is and enjoy life.
And sex, it's about bonding, connecting and love, not about the overly priced small outfit sold to you on the longest commercial........
Native Americans have taken a stand, good for them....

When did it start all going so bad?

I posted the clip independently since I wanted to make sure you can watch it if you want. As I turned on my computer this morning I was hit with this chaos which was portrayed as "news". I have never been one to trash the media. I grew up watching television and yes, did my homework with the TV on. It worked for me. I may just be getting old but the things we call news and the things that are on TV now are really senseless, and harmful in the long run for personal growth and even happiness. As I see this clip all I see is people behaving rudely for all to see. "In my time, this just did not happen!" I am a year and months away from 50 by the way. What are we teaching children? I feel that with children and adults exposed to so much rudeness we are saying that as a society it is acceptable to curse, use foul language and in essence, bully others as a way to assert ourselves and get our way, be heard and "shine above others" As a society we have a responsiblity to be civil, respectful and teach our minors how to be behave. As elders, we have to set the example. It does seem that no one wants to be an elder as everyone is holding on to youth. Perhaps we ALL need to grow up! My initial question was, when did it start? First thing that comes to mind is good ole Jerry Springer. Long time ago, his show involved security guards and chair throwing. Then there was "baby daddy... Maury" and it has just gotten worse from there. What are we creating, what are we exporting? Let's look at ourselves, our media and you answer that for yourself.

FULL VERSION: Nicki Minaj Cusses Out Mariah Carey During 'American Idol'...

Can you love too much?

Since the 1960's we have become used to seeing messages of "make love not war" "Love is all you need" Love, Love , Love.
However, I think we have to define what love means to us and how we express it. We also need  to learn healthy from unhealthy love. We have to be careful that we are not trying to "control" others, or do so much for others that we "handicap them".
Love is not about "pain" but there can be pain in love, growing pains. As a parent, one has to allow their children to make decisions for themselves, you have to let them make the attempt to get up and learn to walk independently, you can not build cushioned flooring at home and be at the child's side to hold their hand and carry them everywhere. If you do, you raise a "crippled person". What you did out of love in fact hurt the child because he/she will never be able to go to school or eventually work unless he/she knows how to get there on his/her two feet. OK, so this is a very simplistic example, but I have worked with couples and families where the partner or parent thinks they are helpful, kind and loving but in fact, are creating dependence. It's funny because then the partner or parent will eventually complain about he child or partner is  just not being able to do things for themselves.
There must be freedom and trust in love. Parents and partners have to give each other space. On the far side of control we have people that "force" others do things their way. They believe that how they do things is the "right" way.
We all need space to grow and develop at any age. A small tree under a larger one's shadow is never going to grow to it's full potential.