Midlife, Divorce, Change, Growth.......

I have posted in the past about midlife,challenges and have even posted about my own divorce. I wanted to share a book I read recently. I feel a need to share since the author is a therapist, divorced and a marathon runner. I have run two full marathons in my life and currently run half(s) just because I am on the slacker side and it's much easier to train and even go under trained for a half marathon which is "only" 13.1 miles. Maybe I am inspired to write about this book because I will be running the ING Miami Half marathon this weekend. Well, perhaps I should not let everyone know this since I have slacked on training, eaten way too many potato chips and oh, the chocolates. But, I have committed to this so I may run, walk, crawl, but I will be there this weekend.

The book is: Second Wind: One Woman's Midlife Quest to Run Seven Marathons on Seven Continents. The author is Cami Ostman. Although I have no plans to race in all 7 continents...although I have thought about doing all marathons in Florida.... well, maybe the
half(s.) Well, maybe.

This is Ms. Ostmans personal journey, where she explores her feelings regarding religion, women, marriage and life in general. One does not have to be a runner to appreciate this book. Ms. Ostman even discusses that while running was her vessel to self growth everyone can choose their own. I have said many times that marathon running has taught me a lot. You start at the starting line hoping for the best. On that journey there will be elevations, such as hills, bridges, wind, rain and many obstacles. There will be pain, but you will dig deep within yourself to get the strength to push through. On occasions there will be catastrophes where the bus or rescue will pick you up. Theses are rare but if you live through it, you can come back next time stronger and complete the challenge. Again, it comes down to choices, we are winners if we choose to be winners. By winner, I don't mean winning the marathon..... but winning for you, conquering your challenge.

Yes you can, if you believe you can.

Choose Life

In today's world, these two words can cause a heated debate. These two simple words have become charged by a movement that perhaps need not be political. But this is not about that.
" Choose Life" I saw that on a license plate the other day and couldn't help but see that there is so much more to this than the political movement. Let's read it again, Choose Life.

I believe when we choose life, we choose to live. Choose to be whole, be positive, share with others and work on maintaining peace in our souls.

Happiness and contentment, as is love are all choices. We choose to love others and we choose to be happy and content. What is the secret to happiness? I have a deal for you, I can let you on the secret, right here, for free. No need to buy the the several books out there. Count your blessings and be aware and happy for what you have.

Of course, life is full of hills and valleys. But, you have blessings, you have strengths. It is not about what your neighbor has or what you think you "should have" it's what you have.

An exercise that some people do, is keep a blessings journal. For those not used to seeing life this way, it may take a while to reframe your thinking, but it is possible.

Take time this Thanksgiving and look at the blessings, the positives in your life.

Parenting Your Catholic Teen (Part One)

Parenting Your Catholic Teen (Part One)

Libia's Interview... friends and couples (in spanish)

Me too!

Well, sometimes a therapist has to share her story and this is it. I have worked with the issue of divorce throughout my career and have even worked with high conflict divorce helping parents co parent, and helping children cope with divorce. This year I have traveled down the path that many of my past, current and future clients have or will travel.
Because of the myriad of emotions and experiences I have had, I now have another level of enlightenment and empathy to essentially make me a better therapist.
I now have the book knowledge, the clinical and personal experience. I feel it is important to share because no person is an island. It can happen to anyone and we should all support each other. People experiencing divorce are not lepers, but people living through something that no one plans for. while I was on my journey, there were wonderful people out there who shared their stories. From each story, you learn something and you connect to another person. If you are experiencing separation or divorce, reach out, do not be ashamed. If the feelings are too overpowering seek professional help, but also talk to family, friends and find a support group. Some churches even have free support groups which are led by people who have "walked the walk" Reach out.

Experience

Well, I have been writing this blog for a year now. I celebrate 20 years of having graduated with my master's degree and beginning my official career as a psychotherapist today. I have been in the mental field since 1986.
I think this is one of the few professions where it is actually OK to be older. Well, sometimes.
Age is not experience. One can not assume that because the psychotherapist looks "seasoned" that she/he is qualified or experienced. Many individuals turn to counseling as second career while for many it is their first career.
When making an appointment, ask about experience and licensure. There is also the belief that relationship and your ability to "connect" with the therapist is what is most important and in fact more important than whether they have a doctorate or master degree.
In the age of managed care,many feel that they do not have choices of whom they want to choose for counseling but most larger insurance carriers should have an extended list of therapists near you. Get a list and call. By calling several you can get a feel for the therapist. Many, as I do, answer their own phones and use voicemail. This gives me the opportunity of speaking with the caller before making an appointment and there, at that initial contact, begins the therapeutic relationship.

" I wish my mom/dad didn't have so many boy/girlfriends"

If you are dating and have always wondered what your kids think about you bringing dates, lovers and multiple boy/girlfriends home,that may be what they are thinking. Many times children have expressed to me that they wish their parents would date less. Now, this does not mean that the children control or should control their parents. I will say though that they do not need to know what their parents' sex, dating or "whatever" life is. What happens is that children become attached to the new "friend" brought in to their lives and then one day they are gone forever. This is another loss. I recommend that parents live their life, while of course being responsible in their parenting, and once they have met the person they feel "is it" and is going to be a constant figure, then, and only then, do they introduce them to the children. As we all know, even then, there are no guarantees but the child has been shielded from many new people they could have bonded and then lost.