our worth, human worth, success

As I sit and contemplate my observations of how people act and treat each other, I ponder how we measure our worth, and others'. In religious communities the lesson is that we are all children of a higher power and we are loved for just the way we are. Oh, the warm and fuzzies are awesome. To be loved unconditionally. But, later we walk out to the "real" world. A world where materialism seems to be "king" and not too long ago you would see posters and bumper stickers with sayings such as " the one with the most toys wins". How do we measure success and what is success? Do we find Mother Theresa or Donal Trump to be more successful? Why? How do we define that? I have come across people in the world that feel that it is not very "smart" to get a Master or Doctorate degree in Liberal arts. Psychology? Why? English? Why? I remember my college years where it seemed everyone was in the Business program. I, a liberal arts student. The irony is that if your strengths are not in the areas necessary for "business" work, you may not get a job. I am a believer that we all have strengths and weakness. We need to accept that. We can't change that, we can try and maybe be less weak in certain areas but we need to accept how we are "programmed" find what is our calling by looking at our "gifts". We may be good at math but lousy at writing or the reverse is possible. We may have introvert qualilities or be an extrovert. We need to like ourselves, appreciate who we are. It may be beneficial to find others who are like us as a way to help us feel that we are "OK" and not alone. This world needs teachers, nurses, social workers, doctors. We also need waitors, chefs and just about every profession inorder to have a complete life. We need police officers, security guards and the list goes on. No job or profession is deaming or should be looked down upon. We all have strengths and callings. We have passions. As long as we work and take care of ourselves and our responsibities, I think we are OK. I know that I have met people that think my choice was not smart. Sometimes I actually doubt myself. Psychotherapy is not highly paid and when you look at graduate school education costs, I can't say that there is a "return on investment" but you know, that is if I am speaking on purely financial terms. In those moments of doubt, I seem to always have a client tell me how I have helped them. It is almost like God speaking through people, and letting me know, I am where I am supposed to be. Be proud of what you do, you are needed where you are. If you are not "happy" then look within what your strengths are and explore other options. All jobs serve an important purpose.

Dear Newly Divorced,

Dear newly divorced, You can't go back, you are divorced now. Take a breath and look forward. You will now embark on a new life. Whether you like it or not, you will. Just like when you were born, you were thrown into a new world. Embrace it! Start planting the seeds of your new life and be patient. Be careful of the seeds you choose, for you now can do what you thought you never could. Enjoy building your new life! When you plant seeds in the garden, you don't dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet. You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time. Similarly, just do your daily practice and cultivate a kind heart. Abandon impatience and instead be content creating the causes for goodness; the results will come when they're ready. -Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron ~(gail)~

You are more than just body parts.... you are a special.

I am not a followerer of "stars" but I will make this an exception. It's all over the news that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy. A woman considered so beautiful and considered so sexy by men and women, had her breasts removed. Not, only that, but her life partner and father of her children is still around. A man also considered sexy and "rich". Of all that they have done to help the world and less fortunate, this may be the most meaningful one. To think that men have abandoned their wives because they felt that the woman was not "sexy" enough. Men have been known to leave their longtime wives for younger women. They have abandoned their children as well. Men and women have believed they are "too good" to be with someone who does not present themselves in a "sexy" manner. Dating sites are full of women putting emphasis on their breasts. In short, we live in a superficial world where "looks" are emphasized.Some men have actually persuaded their wives and girlfriends against chemotherapy so that they don't lose their hair. I am touched by how the Pitt-Jolie partnership has gracefully handled Angelina's situation and decision. We are all human and no one is perfect, imperfection is part of perfection in my opinion. Once we meet someone and commit to them, we are commited to them and their soul. Not to their body parts and genitalia. In true committment, the better or worse part, the parts can go, but the love and comitment should be there until death takes it away from this earth. I applaud the Pitt-Jolies. Many they have many years of health and happiness.

Happy Mother's Day

This weekend is Mother's Day. Not everyone is a mother and not everyone has a mother. I invite everyone to celebrate the elder women in their lives. I have found that many people express sadness for the loss of their mothers and claim to hate the day. I think we need to bring positive energy into our lives and honor our lives. On Sunday, I will honor my mother and women that perhaps do not even have children but are our teachers, doctors and people that make our life special. They may have devoted their lives to a career, and perhaps were not meant to be biological but spiritual and adopted mothers of many. Remember, the secret to happiness is to value and celebrate what we have.

Handling evil

This nation was attacked by evil on Monday. Innocent people and an entire nation have been affected by senseless evil on Monday. Now, it is important to understand that evil is not an ethnic nation, a culture, a color, a religion and it is not owned by a particular entity. Once we learn who was behind this senseless act we must remember not to persecute, attack or in any way judge other members of whatever ethnic, or religious group this person may appear to belong to. Evil lives and is attached to whomever subscribes to it's beliefs. Not all people including family members of the suspect(s) are responsible for what this individual has done. Many times when the person responsible for such crimes/ evil as experienced on Monday are found , other individuals have been known to hurt businesses of people that have a similair ethnic group to the accused. This happens more frequently if they are a "foreigners". I believe that two wrongs have never made a right. We can not judge all people by the actions of a few.

Honey, I want to go out with my friends.

I find that many people have issues with their significant others going out with their friends. Seems like the thought is loaded with meaning, different meanings for different people. Socializing with same sex friends is totally appropriate yet many people have visions of inappropriate behaviors, lies and affairs. Going out with friends can be establishing book clubs, going golfing, joining a sports team and even an innocent "happy hour" after work to just hang out with work friends. Going out with friends does not have to be on "date night" but during the week or during the day on Saturday or Sunday which ever. Having a group of friends to bond with does not take away from the marital/love relationship. It is "guy" time and "gal" time. Trust and communication in good faith is vital in any relationship.

Happy New Year!

Such excitement! Parties and hopes for a fresh start, tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow starts a new day and new year. Yes, it can be overwhelming. But it should not be... tomorrow will be just like today. The new year does bring a kind of hope that we can set goals and things will be different. Nothing to stress about. Use this time to think about things you may want. Kind of a Christmas Club account if you will. Now, some of you reading this may not know what a Christmas Club account is ( ha ha) I am aging myself. A Christmas Club account was available at banks, and you could save money through out the year for Christmas. Ok, I was a mere child when those were popular. Start the day exploring and taking small steps toward a larger goal you would like. Use this time wisely for change but understand it will be small change and there will be bumps on the road. Happy New Year and thank you for reading my thoughts!