Many of my clients ask me about books they can read. Some have read numerous books, some have never and ask for titles.
I am an avid reader, primarily fiction. I have read many psychology books as part of my training obviously.
However, I believe we have to be cautious regarding self help books. First, a topic that is written about extensively is dating. My goodness, if those books were so great, everyone would be in a relationship and/or married. There are very good books to read and there are bad books to read. Well, not "bad" but books that list rules for dating. Like, where are the theories and studies to back this up. I will say, and this is partly true and partly a joke. If you happen to be a neurotic person, well be it, and let that date get a dose of who you are. Sure, there may not be a second date but once your neurosis came out in full swing, they would be out the door anyway. And, guess what? As you continue to date, a neurosis loving date may appear and you have met your soul mate. Yes, I know, it is not necessarily that easy, but the point in this is, be yourself. Honor thyself. I am not saying don't read the books but don't forget who you are.
Obviously, if you feel you are neurotic and not happy about it, well then, you may want to seek professional counseling to balance the neurosis and make appropriate changes.
What I do recommend is to look for books written by mental health professionals. You also may want to look at their credentials. Some writers say they have a doctorate degree but when you look it up, it is not even in psychology.
I guess my point is, buyer beware and don't act like anyone tells you to in a book. Be yourself.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Happy Valentine's Day
Valentine's, another of those "holidays" that half the people say they hate and the other half can not get enough of. It is another day that merchants prepare for and the airways are full of commercials for. "For the one you love.........." It is time for that huge diamond, huge flower arrangement. Key word, huge.
Now, there are many single people out there and I want to dedicate this to them.
Those with any kind of "significant other" make sure you give each other something.
Oh, and by no means am I saying, the "huge" anything. A meal, time together, a thought or a rose is fine.
Now, back to singles. I want to add that Valentine's Day is a day of friendship. I actually spoke with a teenager recently that agreed with another friend ( both are girls) to be each other's Valentines. No, it is not sexual, it is in the spirit of friendship.
Now, singles, don't forget yourself. Treat yourself to something nice, a pedicure/manicure is nice, maybe in vivid red,unless you are male and want to go more conservative, then do clear or buff.
Take a class, do something for yourself and of course, do not forget your friends.
Send greetings to all on your social network sites, give co workers candy or bring in something with that theme.
Valentine's Day is a day of friendship,a day to acknowledge friends, relatives and all those that are around to give us warm and fuzzies through out the year.
Enjoy!
Now, there are many single people out there and I want to dedicate this to them.
Those with any kind of "significant other" make sure you give each other something.
Oh, and by no means am I saying, the "huge" anything. A meal, time together, a thought or a rose is fine.
Now, back to singles. I want to add that Valentine's Day is a day of friendship. I actually spoke with a teenager recently that agreed with another friend ( both are girls) to be each other's Valentines. No, it is not sexual, it is in the spirit of friendship.
Now, singles, don't forget yourself. Treat yourself to something nice, a pedicure/manicure is nice, maybe in vivid red,unless you are male and want to go more conservative, then do clear or buff.
Take a class, do something for yourself and of course, do not forget your friends.
Send greetings to all on your social network sites, give co workers candy or bring in something with that theme.
Valentine's Day is a day of friendship,a day to acknowledge friends, relatives and all those that are around to give us warm and fuzzies through out the year.
Enjoy!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Time flies?!
Well, it's the middle of the month in the new year and new decade. Some folks made New Years resolutions and reality just hit. We are back to the routine of daily life!
Work, kids, traffic, bills.......
Gyms have been packed with well intended folks.
Now, if on day 2, 3, 15 you felt a relapse into old behaviors, do not give up!
Pick yourself up and get back on track. Many times New Year's resolutions are unrealistic and apparent failure is imminent. Apparent failure is not failure, it is a learning experience. Perhaps the plan was not realistic, and you may want to start slower, at a smaller level. Guess what? That is Okay!
Starting small and with slow progress is good. The focus needs to be on being consistent. Baby steps until you reach your goal.
If you are not where you wanted to be with your resolution? It's Okay. Start again. You actually have less pressure now that we are in the middle of January.
Go for it!
Work, kids, traffic, bills.......
Gyms have been packed with well intended folks.
Now, if on day 2, 3, 15 you felt a relapse into old behaviors, do not give up!
Pick yourself up and get back on track. Many times New Year's resolutions are unrealistic and apparent failure is imminent. Apparent failure is not failure, it is a learning experience. Perhaps the plan was not realistic, and you may want to start slower, at a smaller level. Guess what? That is Okay!
Starting small and with slow progress is good. The focus needs to be on being consistent. Baby steps until you reach your goal.
If you are not where you wanted to be with your resolution? It's Okay. Start again. You actually have less pressure now that we are in the middle of January.
Go for it!
Monday, December 28, 2009
New Year!
As we get ready for another year, many people start verbalizing plans for change and new year resolutions. Many have great expectations of changes that will come in the new year. January 1st is the beginning and by perhaps the middle of the month there is disappointment.
Well, it is wonderful to have great expectations,ideas and plans for the new year.
What we have to remember is that change, although possible , is very difficult. We need to have short and long term plans and be forgiving of ourselves when our progress is slow or we fall short of what we expected.
Tell others of your plans and surround yourself with support. Allow yourself setbacks and start back even if at first you feel you have failed.
It can be done. You may even want to start making small preparations before January 1st. Be a little flexible with your deadlines.
Depending on your goal, you may want to have visuals such as pictures or charts to provide you an idea or actual visual of your progress or where it is you need more help.
Have faith in yourself and you can succeed.
To a great new decade and year!
Well, it is wonderful to have great expectations,ideas and plans for the new year.
What we have to remember is that change, although possible , is very difficult. We need to have short and long term plans and be forgiving of ourselves when our progress is slow or we fall short of what we expected.
Tell others of your plans and surround yourself with support. Allow yourself setbacks and start back even if at first you feel you have failed.
It can be done. You may even want to start making small preparations before January 1st. Be a little flexible with your deadlines.
Depending on your goal, you may want to have visuals such as pictures or charts to provide you an idea or actual visual of your progress or where it is you need more help.
Have faith in yourself and you can succeed.
To a great new decade and year!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
who hurts in an affair
As we all watch the Tiger Woods affair situation, it is important to remember that there is pain being felt by all parties. In the aftermath of the disclosure of any marital affair, it is not only the spouse/victim that hurts deeply but also the inlaws, children and even friends. No one is an island, when someone makes a unilateral decision to cheat, have any emotional and/or physical relationship with another person, they are momentarily satisfying a need at the expense of the the spouse, children, friends and inlaws.
All affairs are different and it is not about the sex. Some adulterers blame the spouse for their affair. They can not accept that they have done wrong so they look for a way to justify their bad behavior.
In the affair, the cheater, makes a conscious decision to go outside the marriage. They make a decision to lie, hide and behave poorly.
If the marriage is not working, look for counseling, legal counsel,look for help; jumping into bed or online with another person, is not the answer.
All affairs are different and it is not about the sex. Some adulterers blame the spouse for their affair. They can not accept that they have done wrong so they look for a way to justify their bad behavior.
In the affair, the cheater, makes a conscious decision to go outside the marriage. They make a decision to lie, hide and behave poorly.
If the marriage is not working, look for counseling, legal counsel,look for help; jumping into bed or online with another person, is not the answer.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Happy Holidays
Well, we are in the thick, sort of speak, of the holiday season. Thanksgiving has passed and now we are getting ready for the holidays. We have Hanukkah and Christmas to look forward. With them come, get together with friends, family, co-workers and a time of joy and giving.
It is time to focus on our blessings and enjoy those who are around us and provide us joy through out the year.
It is a difficult time for many since they recall memories of those friends and family that have passed. Many people also feel melancholy but can't identify why. Many tell me" this is the saddest time of the year for me"
While this time may bring sadness, I believe that accepting this yet re framing the thought or changing it around is the key. We make choices in life, sometimes that includes a choice to make ourselves less unhappy and look and work at some sense of happiness. Practice makes perfect, let's practice making ourselves happier. Let's smile more, look at the glass as half full.
I know, it is not easy. But, the good things in life have never been! Every morning, meditate or pray. Envision yourself being happy and experiencing a happy holiday related activity daily.
It is time to focus on our blessings and enjoy those who are around us and provide us joy through out the year.
It is a difficult time for many since they recall memories of those friends and family that have passed. Many people also feel melancholy but can't identify why. Many tell me" this is the saddest time of the year for me"
While this time may bring sadness, I believe that accepting this yet re framing the thought or changing it around is the key. We make choices in life, sometimes that includes a choice to make ourselves less unhappy and look and work at some sense of happiness. Practice makes perfect, let's practice making ourselves happier. Let's smile more, look at the glass as half full.
I know, it is not easy. But, the good things in life have never been! Every morning, meditate or pray. Envision yourself being happy and experiencing a happy holiday related activity daily.
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