Many times when a parent or a spouse requests that their relative join them in or suggest counseling, I hear that the person responded that they are not crazy, and only crazy people go to therapy.
Well, first, what is craziness? Besides, to go to therapy/counseling you are going to a place where you have to identify concerns or issues and it's about talking and sharing.
There is nothing "crazy" about counseling and there is no shame. It's important to find a therapist you trust and feel comfortable with. In today's, hectic , if not "crazy", world with all our stresses, would it not be nice to find a safe, non judgemental place where you can go and share concerns, thoughts? To find a neutral party that can help clarify concerns or problems?
The media portrays the therapist as quiet and non challenging in a stark room with a couch. Not all therapists are the same and I always say it's a good thing to try and talk to the actual therapist when you call the office. This is not possible in many large offices that have many therapist but some smaller offices have the therapist make their own appointments. I, personally, use voicemail and make my own appointments. I understand that many times people call and don't feel comfortable talking to someone that is not the person who is going to see them.
If you feel stressed, tired, or something's not right.... it's totally OK and not crazy to talk to a professional.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
Creating our sense of being...
I find it interesting that anytime I look at media, any media, they are reporting news of a new celebrity break up. Some are real and some are not. It seems that there is a fascination with break ups. Are we celebrating divorces and other peoples heart aches?
What troubles me is that if we are focused on break ups and others' misery we are maintaining a negative vision and outlook on relationships and life. We are what we breed. As a nation and as individuals, if we breed negativity we are negative. We actually place ourselves in a dark box. It's about choices and how we choose to live our lives. We can choose happiness or we can choose sadness. Again, I know that there will be nay sayers. I understand the illness of depression and that bad things will happen to us. We need to grieve losses but also grow from them. We can choose to live, to be happy for others' successes and live in the light of growth, health and well being.
I am personally tired of hearing about real and or imagined break ups. Let's celebrate healthy relationships. Notice I did not say "happy," I said healthy. These are the committed, relationships that have their highs and lows. Let's celebrate kindness to others, friendships and goodwill!
What troubles me is that if we are focused on break ups and others' misery we are maintaining a negative vision and outlook on relationships and life. We are what we breed. As a nation and as individuals, if we breed negativity we are negative. We actually place ourselves in a dark box. It's about choices and how we choose to live our lives. We can choose happiness or we can choose sadness. Again, I know that there will be nay sayers. I understand the illness of depression and that bad things will happen to us. We need to grieve losses but also grow from them. We can choose to live, to be happy for others' successes and live in the light of growth, health and well being.
I am personally tired of hearing about real and or imagined break ups. Let's celebrate healthy relationships. Notice I did not say "happy," I said healthy. These are the committed, relationships that have their highs and lows. Let's celebrate kindness to others, friendships and goodwill!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Psycho ex wife.com
It was reported on the Today Show, that a divorced couple "fighting" for sole custody of their two children were in court because the former husband started an "anonymous" blog about what was, allegedly, happening to his children at the hands of the his ex wife ( the mother of the children). In essence he was "bad mouthing" the mother of his children. His rationalization is that he felt that others were going through similar situations and he wanted to create a place for others to vent their feelings.
In court, the family court judge ruled that the blog needed to come down.
Now, this has stirred up a lot of discussion regarding first amendment rights.
Members of the legal community have commented publicly that he does have freedom of speech.
Now, I want to discuss this as Libia, the psychotherapist and parenting coordinator.
Taking the freedom of speech issue out of the equation for a bit. What are we dealing with here? Obviously the adults are grown, they have made obvious bad choices but two "good choices" are the children they had. They have a responsibility to provide a physically, and emotionally healthy environment for their children. What this man, who can be described as acting in a selfish manner, is doing is venting his feelings and carrying on about exes and especially his ex wife. He needs, in my humble opinion, to get off his public soap box, grow up, and realize he his ultimately hurting his children. Children need a positive image of both parents. They have genes and are products of both parents. No good is going to come for any child to be told their parent is bad, crazy or any other derogatory term. I tell my clients, if you tell your child that their other parent is "crap" you are in essence telling them they are half crap! We need to learn to cooperate and co-parent! It's not for the ex and not for you, it's for the children and their future!
In court, the family court judge ruled that the blog needed to come down.
Now, this has stirred up a lot of discussion regarding first amendment rights.
Members of the legal community have commented publicly that he does have freedom of speech.
Now, I want to discuss this as Libia, the psychotherapist and parenting coordinator.
Taking the freedom of speech issue out of the equation for a bit. What are we dealing with here? Obviously the adults are grown, they have made obvious bad choices but two "good choices" are the children they had. They have a responsibility to provide a physically, and emotionally healthy environment for their children. What this man, who can be described as acting in a selfish manner, is doing is venting his feelings and carrying on about exes and especially his ex wife. He needs, in my humble opinion, to get off his public soap box, grow up, and realize he his ultimately hurting his children. Children need a positive image of both parents. They have genes and are products of both parents. No good is going to come for any child to be told their parent is bad, crazy or any other derogatory term. I tell my clients, if you tell your child that their other parent is "crap" you are in essence telling them they are half crap! We need to learn to cooperate and co-parent! It's not for the ex and not for you, it's for the children and their future!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Self Help.... Beware
Last year I wrote about self help books and being careful about the credentials and experience of the writers. This was not meant as way to discriminate against writers, it was meant as a cautionary note since the reality is that anyone can write a book. I am readdressing this today because I was looking through this month's issues of Glamour magazine and saw an article that really struck me. I am not mentioning names but I guess you can look it up in Glamour magazine.
The article is about a 35 year old author who writes for men on relationships. The article was him admitting to never having been "in love" and actually how he did not feel he could feel those emotions. His relationships last on average 3 months and he admits to saying " I love you" to women because it felt like the thing to say. He admits to having had a lot of women try to change him.
Now, I guess this issue is open to interpretation, but do we want relationship advice from some one that admits to never having been in love, to never have the feeling? He tells how this may have started when at 13y, his parents divorced and he vowed never to be in love.
I guess you can make your own opinion, but in reality, a person who admits to feeling and being emotionally "numb" may not be the best person to hand out advice on relationships.
Just some thoughts.........
The article is about a 35 year old author who writes for men on relationships. The article was him admitting to never having been "in love" and actually how he did not feel he could feel those emotions. His relationships last on average 3 months and he admits to saying " I love you" to women because it felt like the thing to say. He admits to having had a lot of women try to change him.
Now, I guess this issue is open to interpretation, but do we want relationship advice from some one that admits to never having been in love, to never have the feeling? He tells how this may have started when at 13y, his parents divorced and he vowed never to be in love.
I guess you can make your own opinion, but in reality, a person who admits to feeling and being emotionally "numb" may not be the best person to hand out advice on relationships.
Just some thoughts.........
Friday, June 3, 2011
a little more on forgiveness
Just last week I was looking through People magazine and saw a story on Elizabeth Smart. She is the young woman that was kidnapped and years later found. The kidnappers, a man and woman were arrested and the court proceedings are in process.
Well, the story is not about them but about Ms. Smart, and her sense of forgiveness which her mother instilled in her.
She says that she has forgiven her kidnappers and is moving on. She also states that she will not be sending them cards. I thought that Ms. Smart, who is a successful college student now, has truly given an example of forgiveness. She has emotionally forgiven them, will not make contact with them and is able to move on with her life and lead a productive life. Her soul will not be darkened by the seed of hatred or non forgiveness. Remember, we forgive for ourselves. To free ourselves.
Well, the story is not about them but about Ms. Smart, and her sense of forgiveness which her mother instilled in her.
She says that she has forgiven her kidnappers and is moving on. She also states that she will not be sending them cards. I thought that Ms. Smart, who is a successful college student now, has truly given an example of forgiveness. She has emotionally forgiven them, will not make contact with them and is able to move on with her life and lead a productive life. Her soul will not be darkened by the seed of hatred or non forgiveness. Remember, we forgive for ourselves. To free ourselves.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a wonderful and healing concept yet misunderstood. In reading and hearing people's ideas and thoughts about forgiveness it seems that people see it as letting people off the hook, letting things go and life goes on. It is the belief that you just go on with life with out addressing the issues. No, it is not that at all!
I am writing this today, as I read a story about Maria Shriver working on forgiveness and helping her kids forgive their father. Many may not understand that since as of this writing the belief is she is moving forward with a divorce.
The concept of forgiveness is to help you heal the wound that hurt you. That little cut in your heart that someone else's behavior caused you. You heal that for you. So that you can move on enjoying all the gifts and blessings bestowed on you. In essence, you will forgive but not forget. I am not saying that you severe or not severe the relationship with the person that caused you pain. It is not about that. It is about you healing and letting go of that pain. If you let that pain linger and do not let go, it's like a cancer that you feed. It will get ugly and take over your heart and soul and ultimately you become a bitter, joyless person, living a miserable life. Yes, ultimately empowering the person that hurt you. They go on with their life, but your memories and thoughts of revenge sicken your soul and you seize to live a healthy, productive life.
In essence, it's about you! You forgive for yourself. So that you are happy in the long term.
And, no, it is not easy and doesn't happen overnight. It is a process and a concsious effort to say, " I forgive" and you work on it. In the process, you are taking care of yourself.
Think about it. If you become angry and bitter at someone and you don't let go. Do you think you will have lots of friends and family wanting to be around you? You think you will appreciate the good things? I know you don't need the answer to that but I will give it to you anyway. It's no.
Make it a great day today!
I am writing this today, as I read a story about Maria Shriver working on forgiveness and helping her kids forgive their father. Many may not understand that since as of this writing the belief is she is moving forward with a divorce.
The concept of forgiveness is to help you heal the wound that hurt you. That little cut in your heart that someone else's behavior caused you. You heal that for you. So that you can move on enjoying all the gifts and blessings bestowed on you. In essence, you will forgive but not forget. I am not saying that you severe or not severe the relationship with the person that caused you pain. It is not about that. It is about you healing and letting go of that pain. If you let that pain linger and do not let go, it's like a cancer that you feed. It will get ugly and take over your heart and soul and ultimately you become a bitter, joyless person, living a miserable life. Yes, ultimately empowering the person that hurt you. They go on with their life, but your memories and thoughts of revenge sicken your soul and you seize to live a healthy, productive life.
In essence, it's about you! You forgive for yourself. So that you are happy in the long term.
And, no, it is not easy and doesn't happen overnight. It is a process and a concsious effort to say, " I forgive" and you work on it. In the process, you are taking care of yourself.
Think about it. If you become angry and bitter at someone and you don't let go. Do you think you will have lots of friends and family wanting to be around you? You think you will appreciate the good things? I know you don't need the answer to that but I will give it to you anyway. It's no.
Make it a great day today!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Parenting Skills 101
I know that some may feel that I minimize some topics into brief paragraphs but sometimes life is simple. When it comes to parenting, I belief that in theory it's simple and the difficult part is the day to day, consistant application of behavior modification. Reward the positive behavior and give consequences for the negative. But the most importnat thing to do is be a good role model for your kids. Children learn from what they see their parents do, not what they say. If your kids see you be forgiving of others, giving to charity, respecting others...guess what? They will learn that is what is appropriate and that is what they will do. As I think back as what shaped me, I can see where I learned from what my parents did and not so much what they said. So, if you want to be a great parent, work on any issues and be a role model. Live what you want your kids be.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)